I Lost $250K in 10 Days. Here’s Every Trade.

Just 9 days ago, I opened my pump app and it showed a balance of 500k USD. This was at the top of $SI at around 55-60m and $CATE was around 90m with signs of a breakout.

This was the top of my portfolio and the beginning of a nightmare.

First Issue: "Need to be allocated"

Traders will always tell you to have 30-50% of your trenching portfolio in stables. Not me, I felt the greed and I let it win. Whenever I had any USDC, it felt like money that could be working and it should be deployed into opportunity. Of the 300k port that I had, I would usually only have 20-30k in USDC and the rest was deployed.

Like in chess, the king (your portfolio) should always be protected. You should never put yourself in a situation where the market can checkmate you in a few moves.

Which is exactly what happened to me... $BTC started showing signs of weakness, onchain started rolling over and the biggest coins deleted 30-50% in a single day.

Suddenly my position in $CATE that was worth 200k at the top was back to 90k.

Second Issue: "Going for the kingmaker"

Many great traders I know congratulated me on my position on $SI when it was at 50m, they said I played it very well and I believe I did.

I first bought at 7m after it had been on my watchlist for a few days... eventually I slammed even more size at 11m, 13m and 16m.

Bringing my total size to around 35k at an 10m average, which at 60m was worth around 200k USD.

It's sickening to think about, but whenever I sold my position, I would eventually buy back everything after a few hours. (I would have even fewer tokens because of slippage or buying higher)

Eventually the +150k became just +50k.

You're probably already thinking "wow this guy is an idiot, I never would have made that mistake". I thought the same of myself too.

Here in the Philippines, there's a saying that goes "pera na, naging bato pa".

Translation: "What was already money turned into stone."

This is not an essay of cope and I understand that markets give just as they take. I'm a man of risk just like you.

It takes money to make money. It takes losses to eventually win. But you don't learn from your losses if you never recognize them in the first place.

I chose to go for the kingmaker even when it wasn't there.

Few understand that not only do you have to find the kingmaker, you also have to sit out on 100 trades that look like kingmakers too. Making it comes from having the discipline to be satisfied with the small wins, sit out second tier trades and having the judgement to go for it when all the conditions are aligned. I judged wrong and lost all my discipline in the process.

Third Issue: Oversizing and "Death by a thousand cuts"

The 300k port eventually split in half. But that didn't stop me from taking trades.

I knew I was trading "on tilt", I openly said it in the groupchats I trade in.

I stopped journalling because I knew that I would have to fall back onto my rules and discipline. And it would take me so long to get back to my 300k port if I went back to good risk management.

So I let the greedy monster within me win, I took excessive risk on the table, I wouldn't cut losses even when invalidated, I would oversize even when I knew I was late...

-57k on $e/acc (horrible, i didn't even have conviction on ts) -23k on $human (deleted tweet on charity coin) -17k on $bot (some elon shit) -7k on $backers (fake paid) -5k on $tits (more elon shit) -9k on $auton (rugged) -6k on $altruists (oversized a low marketcap low ceiling coin)

And now I am holding a -15k position on $HeeHaw which I am going to close right now as I write this.

Talking about this has been both devastating and cathartic. I cannot say yet that I am fully at peace with my mistakes but writing about them has definitely helped.

There is no one else to blame but me. There is no crying in the casino. If you are ever in the same position, I want to let you know that there is no one coming to save you.

Only you can help yourself.

I wrote about this to show what your trades look like when it comes from a place of greed and loss of discipline. It might sound like whining and coping, but I believe there is real strength in honesty and accountability.

So to whoever is reading this and if you've made it this far... These are my losses. It is my story to tell and they are my experiences to learn from.

I am okay. I am alive, healthy and fighting. I had 6k USD to my name in the beginning of last cycle, which I turned into 7 figures and I cashed out 75% of it. I am comfortable and I am only playing with house money.

^ That is all cope. I am still very bitter about losing but that is because I want to never be in this position again.

Moving forward, I am excited for this article to mark the pico bottom of my portfolio, poor trading execution and risk management.

I will be writing about my wins soon. I'd be happy for you to join me.