How to be a leader (in a world of sheep)
文章目录
I spent 5 years learning how to lead and help scale a business to multiple 7 figures.
I didn’t just ‘become’ a leader by practising it.
There were 3 key mindset shifts I had to make first.
Quick lil ask before we get into it:
I’m working on something to help people build a one-person business online, and I want to talk to the people it’s for before I create it.
If you’re building something online (or want to) and you’d be up for a quick chat about what you’re working on and where you’re stuck, reply “interested” and I’ll DM you.
No pitch. I’m just doing research at this stage.
Anyway, the article ↓
Whether you want to build your own business (or move up someone else’s), you’ve got to be a leader
Tell me if any of these 3 situations sound a lil bit familiar:
“Sorry, maybe next time”
You go into a negotiation or conversation and you’ve prepared the HELL out of it. You deliver your meticulous pitch and at the end, the person you’re speaking to just seems kind of… dialled out? They say something like “let me get back to you” and then they email you saying “sorry, maybe next time”.
“And the promotion goes to… [not you]”
You want to get promoted in your organisation but you get sidelined. There’s some smooth talker that does way less work than you and somehow he’s the one that your bosses think is the best thing since toast.
“Your team is under-performing, you need to improve your management skills”
Despite your best efforts at inspiring or motivating your direct reports to do what is needed, they don’t. You manage people that either don’t try at all or they try and miss the mark.
If you look across these, there is a common theme:
A lot of effort/time/attention, without quite getting the desired outcome.
The mistake is thinking your own effort is enough.
At a certain point, your results depend less on what you can do and more on your ability to influence the people around you: the person you’re pitching, your bosses, your direct reports.
That’s leadership.
And in the process of becoming a better leader, a few things happen:
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You understand what drives people and you hit those exact points, which makes negotiations easier.
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When it comes to promotion, you’ve operated in such a way that you’re the obvious choice for leadership.
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You know exactly how to manage people and show them what to do, which frees up your own time and bandwidth to take on higher impact work
In today’s article, I’m going to teach you 3 principles of leadership. You can apply them in your career but also in day-to-day interactions.
Why should you listen to me?
I’ve spent the last 5 years helping launch a product that went on to do multiple 7 figures in revenue per year.
Learning leadership was non-negotiable.
I needed to understand the audience that the product served, prove that I could perform at a high level and eventually build up a team to help me.
Let’s begin↓
Insight 1: There is only one type of relationship that lasts (win-win)
When it comes to negotiations a lot of people prepare like this:
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Figure out exactly what you’re offering
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Make it sound as compelling as humanly possible
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Add a bunch of data, evidence, facts and figures for why it works
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Throw in some case studies
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Pitch it confidently, carefully and be prepared for any questions
And I was guilty of this too. I remember working on a paid newsletter for a content creator where we were looking for sponsors. And I prepared this amazing presentation all about how fantastic our newsletter was.
Plot twist: this approach doesn’t work and the sponsor said “sorry, maybe next time”.
But that’s okay, because it taught me one of the most useful lessons of my career:
The only type of relationship that lasts is win-win.
What this means is that in any relationship, contract or negotiation, it’s only ever going to be sustainable if both parties stand to benefit.
Sounds a bit wishy-washy, so let’s look at some examples (drumroll please):
1) Pitching sponsor for a newsletter
The sponsor doesn’t want to know how amazing the newsletter is. They want to know what the newsletter can do for THEM. Which means I should have: researched the sponsor, understood their marketing approach, figured out how a slot in the newsletter could best help them, and pitched THAT in a compelling way.
And by the way, win-win only works if it’s a REAL win. If my research reveals that my newsletter does NOT actually help the sponsor, that’s useful information.
What’s the point of ‘closing’ a sponsor only for them to get nothing out of it, churn a month later, and spread negative feedback about your work?
2) Managing your direct reports
I guess I’m jumping ahead a little bit here because there is a whole insight dedicated to this but I want to show you how applicable win-win is to everything.
The best relationship between you and your direct report is NOT one where they’re a workhorse you try to squeeze the most out of.
That will work for a month or two and then they will jump ship as soon as another opportunity comes up.
It’s better instead to have a call with them: understand their goals and figure out how best you can help them get there.
One of my best managers taught me this concept. He used to say: “I want to get paid as much as possible and that happens when you become as valuable as possible. When you become valuable, you get paid more too. So I win if you win”.
Not everyone is motivated purely by income, but this was early in my career. I was trying to afford living in central London while also building an investment portfolio.
So, practically:
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Look at your main relationships at the moment
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Try to understand which ones are genuinely win-win, and where there’s more opportunity to understand the other person’s goals and make sure the relationship fulfils them.
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Keep this philosophy in mind as you enter new relationships
If you take just one thing from this article, make it this: stop asking only “what do I want?” and start asking “how do we both win?”
Insight 2: Be encouraged by the growth of others (not threatened)
A lot of us are taught to operate as though everything is scarce:
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Fight for a spot at a top university
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Battle your way into a high paying job
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Climb your way up the ladder
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Push everyone out the way as soon as the metro doors open
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Retrieve your luggage from the overhead locker the second the fasten seatbelt sign goes off
In all these instances, there’s an underlying belief: if you don’t act fast and look out for yourself, someone else will get there first.
But leaders don’t operate as though someone else’s opportunity has to come at the expense of their own.
There are plenty of universities, jobs and opportunities. And yes, there’s enough time for everyone to get off the tube/plane.
The biggest reframe here is:
Resource scarcity → Resource abundance
When I used to work at a bank, I had a manager that wasn’t too thrilled that I was doing good work. He had a resource scarcity mindset where he thought that somehow, my good work would make his look worse.
You may be wondering how I know that. It’s because at one event he had too many drinks and actually told me himself.
Maybe he felt bad about it. People aren’t monsters, they’re usually just processing their own emotions as best they can.
Anyways, if he had a resource abundance mentality he may have instead considered the following:
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If someone I manage does well, that’s a reflection of my own performance and skill as a manager
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I can learn how she is doing well and instil that into other people I manage
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My bosses are more likely to notice my ability as a leader and consider me for the next promotion to manage a larger team
And just like that, you become more likely to be promoted.
This is just one example of resource abundance bringing positive consequences.
Gary Vee often talks about “giving without expectations”. That abundance mentality is a key characteristic of leadership.
Practically:
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Encourage yourself to think more in terms of resource abundance
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Look at the areas of your life where you feel threatened or insecure
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Ask yourself how someone else’s success could actually create an opportunity for you to learn, grow or benefit too
Insight 3: You learn to lead by learning to follow
Understanding win-win scenarios and resource abundance will already get you a long way.
But even with practical steps, it’s hard to just ‘rewire’ your brain and philosophy overnight. And so, you may still struggle to put these leadership principles into practice with the people you manage.
A lot of people think being a leader means having all the answers.
But actually, one of the best ways to become a great leader is to remain a student.
You learn to lead by learning to follow.
So have a quick think right now: who in your life is a better leader than you?
It doesn’t have to be someone from your career either. Maybe it’s someone in your friendship group, at your gym or in one of your hobbies. They don’t have to be AMAZING. We aren’t looking for the next Mahatma Gandhi here. They just need to be a LITTLE bit better than you.
Then learn from them. Pick their brains:
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How did you become a better leader?
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What shortcomings do you see in my approach?
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Any tips for me?
And if you keep Insights 1 and 2 in mind:
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Most leaders understand win-win scenarios. By teaching you, they deepen their own understanding and add another good leader to their network.
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Most leaders believe in resource abundance. They won’t see you learning from them as ‘stealing’ their approach or philosophy.
So practically:
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Find just one person you know who’s a better leader than you
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Ask them for a chat about how they became good at it
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If they know you well, ask what you could personally do better
Next Steps
I’m not going to tell you I perfectly follow these every time.
I don’t.
I still catch myself getting some of this wrong. But I’ve gotten better at noticing it, correcting it and trying to do better the next time.
I think that’s really what leadership comes down to.
And you can start practising it long before you have a team to manage or a fancy title.
P.S. If you’re building a one-person business online (or want to) and would be up for a quick chat, reply “interested” and I’ll DM you.
No pitch. I’m just doing research at this stage.
Warmly, Kimia
