What it means to be a true masculine man in a world built to make you weak

Being a man in 2026 is fucking confusing.

Society basically shows you two options. The man-boy, a soft and docile little guy. Scared of conflict and scared of his own ambition. Or the red-pilled "alpha" who smokes cigars on camera and screams online that women are the enemy.

Both roads lead you to the same place: lost and unhappy.

The traditional gender roles that held for most of human history aren't the norm anymore. There are no clear rules. No easy definition of what it means to "be a man". No clear road to follow, no rites of passage and no "7-step system" to teach us what it means to be a man, and how to be a good one.

And imma be honest, at my humble 25 years of age, I'm not pretending I've figured out masculinity either. It's something I've been studying for years: through my own path as an online entrepreneur since 16, through the books I've read on the topic, and by constantly watching the men around me and the popular male figures on social media.

I recently moved into a new apartment with my girlfriend, and it's the first time we've lived together. That change made me go back to the books that shaped my idea of masculinity the most, Hard Times Create Strong Men by Stefan Aarnio and The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. I want to be the best possible partner for her and make sure our relationship thrives.

And one thing became clear while rereading them. Money and muscles definitely matter but they're only the surface of what makes a true masculine man.

So this essay is me sharing the 7 ideas that give me the most guidance and clarity on what it means to be a healthy, masculine man today.

Maybe some of these ideas will offend some people. Or maybe not. Feel free to disagree in the comments, but I'm not gonna do damage control or over-nuance each idea, because that would just be boring.

Either these ideas resonate with your essence or they don't. I won't try to convince you.

Now that everything has been said, let's begin.

1) There are no healthy male figures in society anymore

Being a strong, masculine man in 2026 isn't cool. It's even the opposite. Patriarchy is actively opposed by the current societal narrative, and sometimes it even feels like a conspiracy against masculinity altogether. Of course it isn't that black & white, and I'll be caricaturing a bit in this section. The goal is just to illustrate an overall feeling about how masculinity is perceived nowadays.

We don't have strong & healthy male figures anymore. In TV series, the dad is often a weak, dumb, good-for-nothing guy who spends his time on the couch drinking beer. Long gone is the era of Playboy and Gillette ads that used strong men as their models. Finished is the era of prime Schwarzenegger movies. Masculinity doesn't sell anymore.

Timothée Chalamet & Tom Holland being two of the most popular male actors right now illustrates this. Physically, the male icon nowadays is a man-boy. A grown-up teenager. Don't get me wrong, both are excellent actors, they have an amazing mindset when you listen to their interviews, and mentally they embody a lot of masculine traits. But they're a good representation of the masculine image of our era.

Men are becoming more feminine and gentle. It's an overall trend that's easy to notice, and the classic example of testosterone drastically dropping in the average male only amplifies it.

On the other hand, social media went the complete opposite way. This led to the rise of the ultra-"masculine" red-pilled alpha who dunks on women, smokes cigars, and likes to scream online about how women are evil, liars and hypergamous, and how you must cheat on her if you want to keep her attached.

The Tate Brothers are the obvious example here. But honestly, I don't think they're the worst. I read and listened to Tate's content in 2022, before they really blew up, and they made a lot of valid points. Of course there were also a lot of outrageous takes designed to go viral and make them famous that I don't necessarily agree with. But even with all the drama surrounding the Tates, to me they're not worse than Sneako or the Fresh & Fit Podcast just dunking on the dumbest women ever to prove their point.

Anyway, the point here isn't to discuss whether these creators are bad people or not, but to illustrate how the rise of ultra-masculine content online is the direct reflection of the suppression of masculine figures in mainstream media. As always, all things are balanced in the universe.

The problem is that now we're left with only 2 extremes. The man-boy or the toxic red-pilled man. No in-between, no nuance, no inspiring figures who embody masculinity & femininity rightly integrated inside a man. Of course saying there aren't any anymore is an exaggeration. There are some, they just aren't as popular as actors or famous influencers. A lot of athletes fall into this category. Kobe (RIP) and Khabib come to my mind as inspiring, strong, disciplined and purpose-driven men. Healthy and strong masculine figures still exist in society, fortunately. It's just not cool anymore.

They aren't at the forefront of what a man should aspire to be.

2) Your desire for ambition, fame, money & power is healthy

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily." - Napoleon

This repression of patriarchy and masculine figures leads to something even more insidious for men: the idea that aiming for ambition, fame, money or power is unhealthy. Or that it's too shallow and superficial. And of course, there's some truth in it. Pursuing these things only for their own sake will leave you empty, because once you achieve them, what's left? Nothing. Chasing these goals by all means necessary without a higher purpose will just lead you down hell's path.

But at the same time, if you decide to opt out of progress completely and become society's docile worker who stays in his tiny house and votes for whatever is politically correct at the time, you'll slowly die inside. As a man, you need to strive for something higher. You need to try to become better. You need to be improving each day. This internal force and desire to strive for more resources is your essence. It's what Nietzsche called the Will to Power. It's hardcoded into your DNA.

The most vicious thing about this demonization of ambition, fame, money & power is that it makes you think you're either an ambitious asshole who destroys the planet and kills poor people along the way, or you must be "normal". No in-between. But the truth is, you can seek to become a better, richer, stronger man while becoming wiser and more compassionate. All so you can provide for your wife and children, without becoming an arrogant asshole or drowning in your own superficial ego.

What matters is to become obsessed with the process of self-actualization instead of the results. You don't settle for mediocrity. You strive to be the absolute best version of yourself. You pursue the ideals of your highest self every day. Not only because you want to be rich and famous and have the hottest wife, but because you can. Because it fulfills you. Because it feels like a duty you must, and want to, honour for your soul.

Strive for the best and pursue success while realising, at the same time, that nothing ultimately matters, that everything is futile, and that the true beauty is found in the process itself. Life will never get better than how much you love the process.

3) Everything in society is designed to make you weak as a man

Cheap dopamine is the ultimate spiritual enemy of mankind. Video games, porn, junk food, social media, watching sports, alcohol, nicotine, Netflix, gambling, politics. Everything is a scam. Everything is a psyop. Everything is designed to make you as addicted and as spiritually empty as possible, so you exhaust your will to power on meaningless pleasure or deplete it in a tissue.

Recognizing this is absolutely crucial in modern society. Philosophers talked about discipline and self-control long before us, but they never had to face this many distractions, this easily available. Your phone alone is a literal dopamine nuclear bomb that would fry the brain of any man who lived before the 20th century.

You need to realize that it's a spiritual war. A war for your attention, for your mind, for your thoughts, for your creative energy, for your soul. You need to reclaim all of it. You need to take back ownership of all these resources so you can direct them toward a meaningful and purposeful life. You need to opt out of all these traps so you can live your life for yourself, instead of getting your time, health, money, attention and soul sucked dry by the traps laid everywhere.

And it's a battle every man has to fight, every single day.

4) Men & Women are different

Men & women are different. Saying this out loud in 2026 is considered controversial by some people, which I think is crazy. Obviously I'm not talking about rights & laws. I'm talking about the biological and spiritual differences between men & women, differences that perfectly complement each other but that society absolutely wants to neuter.

I think it's amazing that women have been able to gain more power in society and the right to choose for themselves. I'm all for freedom of choice for the individual.

What I don't endorse is how society now depicts the gender roles that worked for centuries as "bad", and promotes the career-driven woman as the primary choice for women. There is nothing wrong with a career-driven woman, but she must be aware of the spiritual implications of this choice and be honest with herself. For obvious reasons, pursuing career goals will lead her to embody more of her masculine energy than being a stay-at-home wife would.

Once again, the point isn't to judge whether one choice is better than the other, but to stop neutering the differences between men & women. Men have 24-hour cycles. Women have a 28-day cycle. We don't have the same amount of hormones, which makes us feel and think differently. Both sexes have unique gifts and skills that perfectly complement each other. But society (and I guess it serves capitalism as well) wants women to ignore their cycles and work like men, and wants men to be more like women so they're more docile and less rebellious by nature.

This homogenization of genders is unfavorable for both men & women. Men are depressed and anxious, and suicide is at an all-time high. Women are also anxious and stressed out from having to be in their masculine energy all the time, which fucks up their cycles and their connection with their divine essence.

It also kills sexual attraction between both sexes. Stefan Aarnio puts it perfectly in Hard Times Create Strong Men: attraction is fundamentally based on inequality, on complementary and reciprocal opposites. Sexual attraction comes from opposite forces colliding. And you know what's not attractive at all? A sterile, homogenous, gender-neutral person. The rise of sexless men and the lack of intimacy illustrate this perfectly.

The oppositeness of masculine and feminine energies is what makes the opposite sex so fascinating and attractive for heterosexual people. We need to honour these differences, not repress them.

5) Work is the ultimate purpose of a man

"Work is the ultimate purpose of a man. But society told us the opposite. It told us that retirement is the ultimate goal. But the true goal is to never retire at all." - Me (yes I'm quoting myself today f*ck it)

What I mean by work is obviously not boring, repetitive, machine-like factory work. But meaningful, creative work. Developing mastery over a craft. Expertise. Skills. Innovating. Creating. And if possible, making a good income from that expertise to provide for your family and loved ones.

Pursuing your purpose, solving problems, being part of a mission higher than yourself and providing for others is what will fulfill you the most as a man. You need to be directing your creative energy somewhere and pouring your soul into a meaningful project.

Otherwise you'll just drown in hedonism and chase endless pleasure to fill the void you feel inside. That void only gets filled when you look at the work and goals that scare you deep in the eyes, and dedicate yourself to them.

A trend that's been popping up on social media right now is the "low cortisol lifestyle". But as a man, you absolutely shouldn't seek a low cortisol lifestyle. For a woman, absolutely, low cortisol will help her relax into her feminine essence and deep intuition. But for a man? Why would you?

You shouldn't try to avoid struggle or pain. It's good for your spirit. It's good for your confidence. It's good for your self-esteem. Embrace the pain and struggle, they're universal human experiences that all your ancestors went through before you. Avoiding cortisol, pain, struggle or any amount of hardship makes you weak and ultra-sensitive to these realities. The more you avoid it, the more you're a victim of it. So instead of trying to flee an enemy that will always get to you sooner or later, train yourself so you can at least wrestle with it the next time it catches up with you.

Never forget that diamonds are only forged under pressure.

6) Take absolute ownership over your life

You can never solve a problem that you do not take ownership of. The trouble is, most boys and men never make the decision to become an owner of their life and their problems. The opposite of owner mentality is victim mentality, and too many boys get stuck in the victim trap because our society allows for such weakness to persist. Victims get extra attention at school and from the government through food stamps and handouts. Owners get no such special treatment; in fact, owners pay extra to fund the victims' benefits.

I drew on dozens and dozens of successful men; I studied them, devoured biographies and autobiographies on these men, listened to their lectures, attended their seminars, and came to the conclusion that real men own their problems—all of their problems. They take responsibility for everything, even things that aren't their fault. They own it all, they lead, and they at some point made the decision to become a man and own it all. This is honorable, this is right, this is good. Both men and women crave these types of strong men in work, in love, in the family; just about anywhere men are needed, these are the type of men who are wanted by everyone.

Stefan Aarnio, Hard Times Create Strong Men

Not everything that happens to you is your fault. But everything is your responsibility. You must take ownership of every aspect of your life, financially, mentally, physically and spiritually. Every problem is yours to solve. Everything is a puzzle and it's your job to find the missing piece. Your purpose as a man lies in solving problems. There is nothing more addictive and fulfilling for a man than taking aligned action toward solving the problems in his life. The obstacles aren't in your way, they are the way.

Most men want to avoid these hardships and problems, but doing so is a great betrayal of your masculine essence. Imma be honest with you, I've tried both lifestyles. I've had seasons of life where all of my thoughts were directed toward meaningful work, growing my business, meditating, working out, solving problems and taking ownership. And I've had seasons where I was coasting on my previous efforts, working a few hours a day, playing video games and smoking all day long.

And I can say with absolute confidence that a life of endless dopamine indulgence will destroy you inside. Yes, it feels good at first. Yes, taking ownership and working hard is harder at first. But in the long run, the easy choices stop giving you as much pleasure and life feels dull. On the other side, the hard choices become easier after some initial persistence, and the fulfillment, joy and self-confidence you gain from knowing you're the f*cking man who does the work and strives toward a better future is unmatched.

You'll have to pay for your choices sooner or later. The price of discipline and ownership must be paid now, which is why everyone avoids it. But the price of self-indulgence comes later, with interest, and it will crush you financially, physically, mentally and spiritually. And good luck finding a good wifey without taking ownership of your life.

Embrace the struggle. Embrace the pain. Embrace the hardships. Revel in them. Live at your edge. Feel the adrenaline and excitement of flirting with death.

7) You must become a pillar for your woman

"The man's job is to be the mountain where the woman's emotional waves crash." - Justin Waller

I love this quote. The first time I heard it, it made perfect sense to me. It's our duty as men to be that unshakeable rock that can embrace every storm and tempest the feminine throws at us. Being that rock for a woman is one of the greatest gifts you can give her.

Most men nowadays are being bullied by their girlfriend. She is the man at home. She makes all the decisions. She often makes more money than him. And he just says yes. He avoids conflict. He avoids confrontation. He's more focused on sharing the "mental load" and splitting the bill 50/50 than on improving himself and pursuing his purpose. Feminism pushed that narrative. Performative males revel in deconstructing themselves and killing every ounce of testosterone in them.

But the truth is that being that nice yes-man will absolutely destroy your relationship and kill all the respect and admiration she feels toward you. That's why so many women feel fucking horrible in their relationship or marriage when this happens. The man becomes a boy, and she turns into a mother figure for her weak boyfriend. But nobody wants to fuck their own child, so no wonder she feels no sexual attraction anymore.

Deep down, most women want to be led by a strong, purposeful man. They don't want to plan everything. They don't want to make decisions all day long. They don't want to spend 90% of their day in masculine energy. They don't want to be responsible for bringing in most of the money and shouldering all the responsibilities.

What they want is a masculine man who allows them to fully relax into their feminine energy and not think about the problems of mundane life. They want to relax in the demonstration of your direction. They want a man who isn't afraid to say no, who isn't afraid to stand up for himself, who has standards and self-respect, who doesn't tolerate bullshit and doesn't fold at every one of her shit-tests.

That's what creates true polarity. The subconscious knowledge that you can protect her, care for her, provide for her, protect the kids and even kill if necessary is deeply attractive to her.

You become that pillar by embodying everything I talked about above. Take ownership. Strive for the highest version of yourself. Be obsessed. Be relentless. Ruthless even. Pursue your mission. Work hard af. Get in the best shape of your life. Hone your mind and your craft. Be extreme. Be uncompromising. Stand up for yourself. Don't avoid conflict. Don't betray your standards.

Conclusion

I want to end this essay by paying tribute to Stefan Aarnio, author of Hard Times Create Strong Men, who died of cancer at only 34. He and David Deida, with The Way of the Superior Man, have been two of my greatest inspirations, and my north star for defining what being a man really is and what to strive for. It's a pity the reaper came for him this early. But it's also a great reminder that nothing in life is guaranteed, and that we never know when everything may end.

And I want to leave you with this quote from Seneca, which perfectly captures what the highest level of masculinity is for me:

"To see a man fearless in dangers, untainted with lusts, happy in adversity, composed in a tumult, and laughing at all those things which are generally either coveted or feared, all men must acknowledge that this can be from nothing else but a beam of divinity that influences a mortal body."

Reject modernity. Pursue self-mastery.

Thanks for reading. And welcome back to the Ark. Noah.